Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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