I am in a vortex of obligation.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
They are going to name an STD after you.
as a side note pls kill me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
