absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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