I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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