Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
