he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
