Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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