wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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