are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
