Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize