If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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