I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she woke up with a sticky ear
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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