i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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