shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
im on a boat
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