Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Found your dick twin last night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
