think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
