Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize