dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
