It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
