My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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