I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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