Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
