I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
