oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
