I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Where is the hickey?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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