I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
