If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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