nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just sent this text using only my big toe
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize