Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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