life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm too high and old for this...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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