420 ftw
just tell him i said nine months
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize