True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
