Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
