Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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