we're blogging at a bar
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
