we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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