Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
