Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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