So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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