Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize