dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
