return my video game
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
