there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
