Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it glows. i had to have it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
