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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.

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• (646): View more from New York

  I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision

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• (239): View more from Florida

  You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.

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• (408): View more from California

  The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.

  (408): View more from California

  You've ruined television for me.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  other than the jail part I had a really good time with you

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.

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• (951): View more from California

  We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.

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• (310): View more from California

  Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.

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