sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
