Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
