so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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