Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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