you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
