WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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