How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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