Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
