If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
this is an emotional support booty call
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
