When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i think my cat just said my name.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
