You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
