I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
