Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
