I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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