he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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