Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Houston, we have a squirter
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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