my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
