FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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