Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
