Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
